The Grace of Slowness

For about three years now, I've been afflicted prematurely by a degenerative condition that is osteoarthritis. I say prematurely because it's a common ailment of the elderly, and although I'm no spring chicken, I am not yet a senior citizen. My doctor said that it's in my genes.

OA has slowed me down significantly. It's painful to stand and to walk. I've undergone therapy and have spent a lot already but my condition although improving, has not yet allowed me to walk at a normal pace, let alone pain-free. I've gone through several levels of frustration, anger and depression, but at the end of the day, I remind myself that there's still a lot to be thankful for and that I am better off than most.

Having led an active life, I would manage events practically on my feet for hours on end. I would teach or conduct training sessions animatedly, walking and standing. To "go slow" was something alien to me. I never thought that I would have to be at the mercy of my lower limbs until OA struck me down. I'm on slow-mo mode all the time, something that makes me avoid most activities especially when I know that my companions would have to re-arrange their schedules and look for venues for my convenience. Much as I appreciate the concern and consideration, I feel uncomfortable being fussed over.

These days, though, I try to see the grace in my slowness and in my pain. I manage my time well and start much early than usual as I move slow. I check what else I can pick-up, get or bring on my way to a certain part of the house, to avoid going back and forth. I have learned to be more patient and considerate, more tolerant and accepting of both people and situations. I have appreciated my family more for their efforts to ease my discomfort and to assist me with my needs. Once quick and steady, now slow and ungainly. I used to walk with as much confidence that I could muster with squared shoulders and chin up. These days, I walk hunched, while looking down to avoid uneven floorings. It has indeed been very humbling.

I still pray for the day when my legs will be restored to their former, healthy state. I've bargained and made promises, cried out and whispered my supplications. But I'm better off than most, I remind myself, so I should really just be grateful.

I don't know if I ever will get better. I'd like to think that I would. But in the meantime, while I am slow and the world spins by quickly, I will take in everything with a deep sense of hope. I will look for ways to make the most while I'm in this state and be as productive as I can, despite my limitations, offering each slow and painful step to the One who is the source of all healing and who suffered much, much worse for my sake.

And I will wait...hopeful, with much faith.

While Waiting

I believe it's natural to always wait and hope for something wonderful to happen! The mystery that shrouds the WHAT makes it exciting and lets us look forward to the time when the WONDERFUL unfolds. But should we really wait for something wonderful to happen?

Time is gold, goes the adage. For someone who has been literally up and about as a working professional (employed/self-employed), I feel uncomfortable being "unproductive" so to speak. For the past few months, I have not been actively attending to projects, as one has been temporarily suspended and another has already concluded. Added to this, I've a condition that limits my mobility. But there is that nagging feeling that I ought to busy myself with something, anything, despite protestations from the hubby. He says not to rush into anything just yet, and to enjoy the "quiet" time that I have. It's a gift he says and that I might want to use this time to think of exactly what it is I really want to do.

I'm sure that there is some sense of reason behind Gani's advice. I know that this restlessness stems from not being used to the idleness and, I dare say, uselessness. Oh, I try to make myself useful, going about simple chores in the little pad we call home, away from home. But somehow, these mundane tasks leave no sense of accomplishment or fulfillment at all.

With too much time on Facebook, Youtube and Pinterest, one cannot help but get affected by the short, long, humorous, motivating, and encouraging quotes and stories that one comes across after scrolling and shifting from one social media platform to another. Most are sensible, others are trite but regardless of how they are phrased, they somehow affirm what we already know.

As I threw the question to the universe, it threw back some answers; there's no way to know for sure if they are indeed the right answers but there's only one way to find out: do it!

I guess I won't have much free time anymore once I start to:
- write a children's book (maybe on proper treatment toward PWDs)
- conduct pro-bono training and seminars on social graces, personality development, job-hunting for scholars
- edit travel blog for a friend

Being short-term projects, I know that it will just be a matter of time when I will find myself with too much time on my hands...again! But for now, I will try to accomplish as much as I can! If I can wait for something wonderful to happen, I guess I can also create wonderful moments while waiting. And then maybe, I might not have to wait at all.

Thankful for 2012, hopeful for 2013!

For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. ~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

It's the usual feeling ~ how time flies! Wasn't it just a few months ago when we were celebrating the coming of 2012? But the inevitable happens and so here we are: awed at the miracles of the year past, excited for what 2013 promises, a bit anxious about what may come but strong in the thought that if God brought us through 2012, He will see us through 2013 and the years to come!

We welcomed January 2012 with our relief and rebuilding efforts after the havoc that typhoon Sendong wrought and we inked a deal with a new client and started the service a year ago.

In March, our Anna marched proudly after graduating from Xavier University with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Having finished  at 19, a bit early than most, we advised her to take things slow and to take a breather. Over the past months, she volunteered at a facility for abused children, assisted us in our venture, and dabbled in online writing. 

In between these activities, she's had her share of job interviews and job hunting.

Gani and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary on April 14  

and I turned 47 on the 20th of the same month.

At last! After about 8 years of planning, Gani and his high school buddies finally firmed up plans to take that much-awaited vacation with the families! We, together with the Cabalangs, Espiritus and the Caumbans took a road trip from Manila to Ilocos in late May and had a blast!

After feeling the impact of ostheo-arthritis in January 2011, my condition worsened over time. I literally slowed down as the pain increased. Family and friends worried for me but after consulting with even the best in the field, I wasn't able to get the treatment that I needed. I would find myself getting more depressed and anxious about my condition and by August, I considered buying a wheelchair! 

But God definitely had better plans for me! Last September, the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel grew bigger and brighter! Cecil Pascual, a good friend of my dear friend Joy Delgado, referred me to Dr. Isagani Leal of the Center for Musculo-skeletal Science-Asia. I've been undergoing therapy since September 2012 but I've been told that by August this year, I should be much, much better!

In the same month as my Walk to Wellness began, 

we were blessed to gain more opportunities through our new clients! 

Gani celebrated his 47th year on November 30!

My Walk to Wellness ~ Part 3

Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. ~Swami Sivananda

It's been more than a week today since I had my first procedure in a 3-step treatment for my ostheo-arthritis which has been causing me tremendous pain, discomfort, and inconvenience for almost two years. The relief that I've been experiencing the past several days has been overwhelming and dramatic. Consulting Dr. Isagani Leal, Director for the Center for Musculoskeletal Science-Asia (CMS-Asia) has been a pleasant and encouraging ride! He came highly recommended by a friend whose husband was a patient of the good doctor. His website (http://www.cms-asia.net/) describes how patients with my condition are treated and that gave me a whole lot of hope even before I went for my appointment. I am averse to hospitals and anything that closely resembles a medical facility. My experience so far, has been far from pleasant. Unfortunately, ineptitude and apathy seem to be the general norm in these places. Sounds unfair but I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me. But ever since I started going to CMS-Asia for procedures and therapy this past week, I am beginning to be hopeful for the medical care industry. Located along West Avenue in Quezon City (Philippines), CMS-Asia is at the 2nd floor of Hollywood Square; it's facade is unassuming and does not give one the idea of the state-of-the-art medical equipment and relaxing therapy rooms that it houses. Dr. Leal obviously understands what medical CARE means and this understanding reverberates in his facility and most importantly, in his staff. His humble demeanor and warm personality dispel any anxieties that a patient may have.

Flanked by two Isaganis - one is the love of my life; the other one has allowed me to live life pain-free! As you enter, you are warmly greeted by receptionists Raiza and Steph. Raiza answers calls and handles accounts while Steph attends to schedules and facilitates appointments. They're probably the Center's self-appointed cheer squad as you hear "good-lucks" and "congrats" and "ingats" from them as you go to have a procedure or leave after one.

And then there's Dr. Leal's right-hand - Dr. Eric Yraola. In charge with diagnostics and initial queries, Dr. Eric is young and amiable. Conscious of discomfort or pain which injections may cause, he tries to distract you by engaging you in a conversation about a topic totally unrelated to your condition. Any report of pain or unexpected discomfort is attended to or reported to Dr. Leal immediately, for his attention. Dr. Eric, I understand, is being trained as Dr. Leal's understudy for the procedures at CMS-Asia.

My procedures for my condition require that I undergo therapy as my leg muscles have started to tighten and atrophy for lack of use. Hot packs, acupuncture with kuryente and stretching are administered on me very ably and skillfully by the rehab/OR-nurse, Christian and the Center's acupuncturist/nurse Myka. Both are friendly and their bedside manners are yet to be matched by a lot of older, more seasoned medical professionals (as far as my experience goes). Each step is done with care and concern, no short-cuts, always with reminders and cautions. Despite the daily routine (my therapy has to go on for 2 weeks), each act would always be accompanied with the usual explanation or warning, never presuming that the patient has already understood the steps and procedures. Due to the number of patients that they attend to every day, they sometimes handle up to 3 patients at a time but each patient experiences the same quality of treatment and service as the next one.

Christian, as he recounted to me, was a former patient at CMS. A slip-disc and a bike accident required that he undergo therapy. When his Mom asked Dr. Leal if Christian could continue with his duties, Dr. Leal offered him a traineeship at the Center. Eventually, he became a regular staff at CMS-Asia. Cheerful and a natural encourager, Christian obviously loves what he does and is good at it! I am fortunate that the road to my recovery has been relatively flat and with very little road blocks. I am grateful to my family and friends who have unfailingly taken care of me and looked out for my welfare. I must say, though, that Dr. Leal and his team have made my walk to wellness really a breeze, so to speak. Their warm reception, caring attention and encouraging manner have definitely helped me heal and recover faster than expected. Thank you, CMS-Asia!

My Walk to Wellness - Part 2

In July of last year, when my condition became unbearable, I decided to consult an orthopedic doctor. He had my knees X-rayed and showed me that there was very little cartilage left. He then told me to lose weight. "Kahit 5 pounds lang, malaking bagay na yan." Of course, I knew that if my weight was a major consideration to alleviate the pain, I ought to be losing about 30-40 lbs! He prescribed Glucosamine and pain killers (Celebrex!) - both to be taken for a month. I took the vitamin but took Celebrex for less than a week. Af far as that went, I knew that it was a bad deal. Naturally, the relief was temporary. Now I know that that going to that doctor was a mistake as Ostheo-arthritis ought to be checked and treated by a Rheumatologist. Thinking about it now, he ought to have been more responsible by referring me to one! I did not go back for a follow-up check-up as I felt that he was not effective, based on his prescriptions. He did not even bother to call me up and asked how I was doing after a month. Well, for that matter, I guess a LOT of doctors don't care and would just wait for the patient to go back to them. After some time, I consulted a rheumatologist who told me the same thing - lose considerable weight! I then tried to seek relief from a friend who is into Beam-Ray treatment. He told me that it merely got rid of whatever bacteria and germs that were affecting my condition. He advised me to check my diet and intake and told me to take various vitamins. I have lost almost 20 pounds since last year, still no relief. It couldn't be the weight! And then the seemingly impossible happened! I had the chance to meet again the friend of a friend two weeks ago. One look at me and she was insistent that I should see her husband's doctor. I looked up Dr. Isagani Leal, the only musculoskeletal doctor in the Philippines. His website claims that with the proper procedure, Ostheo-arthritis may be reversed, depending on certain conditions - extent of the knee condition, age, health and others. I got an appointment one week after I called up the Center for Musculoskeletal-Asia or CMS.(www.cms-asia,net) Meeting Dr. Leal was something else. Knowing that he's the ONLY one in the country who can do the procedures, I expected some high-brow doctor, distant, perfunctory. To my pleasant surprise, he's a fellow Mindanaoan (from Kidapawan, Cotabato), speaks Visayan, is humble and light-hearted and very skilled. His demeanor toward patients is one that all patients expect of their doctors. This good nature and great service are radiated in the CMS staff who are courteous, friendly, encouraging and just looked happy to be doing what they were doing. He explained my condition and the treatment that I would need thoroughly. I was excited, until I learned how much it would cost! The amount was something that one prepares for, not forks out readily - well, at least in my case. I was ready to go home and schedule it some other time when I shall have put together my resources. But, as the saying goes - when God puts you through it, He sees you through it! God indeed sends us angels and they're called FRIENDS! Yesterday, I had the good fortune of undergoing the first of three steps of the treatment that I need to take. I had my right knee treated first as it had more damage than the left. After 2 hours in the OR (minor procedure, local anesthesia), I was able to flex my knee without experiencing pain. Of course, it could be due to the anesthesia. I was told to expect the anesthesia to wear off in an hour. I tried to flex my knee again after an hour and yes, the pain was indeed gone! I am at present recuperating and allowing the healing to continue. No walking yet and putting undue pressure on the knee. I move around with a walker and "swing" to get from one point to another. The next step will be done on Monday, then leg therapy to address my leg muscles that have started to atrophy. The third step is due two weeks from now. I am very hopeful about this whole thing as Dr. Leal assured me that I should be walking painlessly by next week, even before the main treatment! Well, at least with the right leg. I still have not gotten over the painless feeling. I guess my brain is still wired to expect pain every time I move my leg. To say thank you to friends who have helped me get this treatment, to my family for supporting and encouraging me and to Dr. Leal, somehow does not seem enough. All I know is that this is a second lease at living life fully and that my eternal gratitude to the Lord and to all those who stood by me and accepted my condition and rallied behind me, should be manifested in what I do and how I do them. To be less than what I should be would make me the biggest ingrate there was! To God be all praise and glory!

My Walk to Wellness (Part 1)

"In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired." ~ Author Unknown

For almost two years now, my mobility has been hampered by Ostheo-arthritis. Unfortunately, genetic pre-disposition could be the cause of this early onset as this is a common ailment among the elderly. My doctor said I have the knees of an old woman! Simple activities such as walking, standing, going up and down stairs, getting up from or sitting on a chair require too much effort and take longer than usual. I do not mind so much the length of time involved as much as the pain that I experience every time I move my knees. Even shifting my position while lying down would be very painful and uncomfortable. It's very humbling - I am dependent on my family and other people to assist me with the simplest of things and it frustrates me no end. It's embarrassing - I'm too young to have this condition and people can be rude by staring at me when I walk with an awkward gait or am pushed around in a wheelchair. It's very limiting - I can't go to certain places where there are no facilities for the disabled like wheelchair, elevator, lifter or ramp. It's frustrating - I can't do the things that I love or need to do. Cooking would be torture as I could not last 5 minutes without needing to sit down. I am a trainer and it annoys me to have to lecture sitting down. (I am thankful for the skill to sustain my audience's interest despite this condition!). There's still so much that I want to do but somehow, this ailment would discourage me from pursuing my plans. I've consulted doctors and underwent treatment, to no avail. I've taken all the vitamins that the doctor would say I need and tried to lose weight to somehow ease the pressure on my knees but....I must admit that there were times when I'd cry in desperation and frustration and succumb to spells of self-pity but I would always try to bounce back so as not to fall into the trap of accepting what I thought would be my fate. There are options out there that claim to be able to relieve me of my pain but most entail costs and could have adverse effects. These would make me all the more frustrated. I have entertained the thought of how to adapt to a life in a wheelchair. It would be the easiest, cheapest albeit the most painful (literally and figuratively) option. All this time, I would have my ever-supportive husband Gani encourage me to believe that help is on the way, that God will make a way and that I will get better. Most times I believe him, but there have been times that I felt resigned to the situation that I'm in. I am embarrassed for him as I think he's too young to be saddled with a wife who moves about like a very old woman. The wedding vow - in sickness and in health, could never be more apt as I experience Gani's care and concern. But as in all things, there is an end to everything, including my pain.

My Tapok Family

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Richard Bach

In my own family, there's just my husband Gani and my daughter Anna and there's me. Just the 3 of us. Most people, and even we sometimes, feel that there ought to be more of us. God does provide and in our case He not only added one member to our family - He more than quadrupled it! I do not mean to disregard my immediate family and that of Gani's (brothers and sisters and their families. But God has blessed us with having an extended family of about 50 people! Our extended family is made up of about 13 families. We go a long way back, about 10 years now. I guess the one thing that bonded us was our common activity - mass service. This, and that one fun practice that we never failed to do - potluck lunches after every Sunday mass. We'd gather at the Libot residence (more often than not) and bring whatever we prepared for lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon talking about life in general. The moms would gather in the dining area while the dads stayed outside. The kids had their own group - there were the teen-agers, the tweens and the grade-schoolers. At times, these lunches would extend until the evening when we'd all go back to our houses and get more food and go back to the same venue for dinner. We would plan our vacations but would take care to mind the mass service. There were times whe we would forego vacations or take short ones because our absence meant that the mass would be "mingaw" - no songs, no servers. These get-togethers (tapok) filled with fun, laughter and food - kept us close. We evolved and became the TAPOK FAMILY.

Our kids grew up together and experienced life changes together - from teeth gaps, menstruation, bras, and circumcisions to debuts, graduations and relationships. Birthdays, anniversaries and other life milestones are celebrated together. We've gained (a lot!) and shed pounds (just some). Our husbands' thinning hair proves our long-time friendship. We've stood as baptismal or confirmation sponsors to each other's kids and we've cheered our kids in their accomplishments and rallied for support when they needed it. We'd laugh and cry over joyful and sad stories and we still pray together; maybe that's why we've stayed together.

We know each other's love stories and pet-peeves. We've memorized our jokes and antics. Our bloopers and anecdotes would be retold countless times and would elicit the same response as the last time. When one leaves for some place, others would be informed of the absence for car pooling or emergency response. We'd exchange parenting and cooking tips and would go on ukay-ukay sprees or scout for antiques and quaint household stuff that would make for nice conversation pieces.

We all call each other Tita or Tito or just plain Tits! The Titas in particular are known for something or other. Tita Gina Libot is the Hermana Mayor, responsible for whatever needs there would be for the masses; she was also the perennial host of the Tapoks. Tita Alma Salih whips up special Mediterranean dishes and "refreshing" and delectable dishes - couscous and fresh green salad with feta & olives or appetizers of fruit and cheese (just not the very "aromatic" raclette!). For nifty designs of printed materials, we depend on Tita Isel Makapugay, who is just as nifty in the kitchen where she makes yummy tapioca, strawberry soup or juicy steaks. Tita Chari Lada is our Martha Stewart, whose home looks like a page in Better Homes and Gardens; she is a good cook, as well. Tita Noemi Casino is the gracious host, efficient organizer and kitchen diva!

We could always expect fresh fruits and healthy dishes from Tita Leni Bacolot (we also hope to have her figure!). Tita Judith Amik is a great "joke supporter" and always appreciates your cooking by asking for the recipe and trying them out. Tita Darlene Limbo is known for her fashion and style and will not hesitate to serve lechon for the simplest of reasons for a get-together. When we need medical attention or advice, Tita Doc (Rosette Cabrera) is only a text away; she does house calls for the Tapok and updates us of our children's vaccine schedules. Of course, there's Tita Edna Puertas and her breads and pastries. And for comic relief, there's always Tita Marlene to bank on. Tita Ginny Aspera is known for her piano skills and Tita Eloy Mongcal cooks yummy Kare-Kare or can infect you with her laughter. And there's one Tita that never fails to clarify almost anything ~ Tita Jing Capitan and her "Alin? Alin?" or "Ano daw?" ensure that everyone knows exactly what is being talked about! Me? Well, I'm known as Ms. Nette, ever the teacher, reminding kids to behave at mass, or to play outside instead of PSP, and telling the Titos off, every time an off-color joke is told. We do not always agree on all things and have agreed to disagree on certain issues. We try to respect each other's opinion and keep the peace.

Some of the Tapok members have relocated since. The Pabayos, Ladas, and the Carranzas have relocated outside CDO. In 2010, when my Dad passed away, we had to leave the subdivision to transfer to a bigger house so my Mom could stay with us. Since then, our get-togethers have been few and far-between. We miss the frequent and regular tapok with our extended family but we continue to keep in touch. We may no longer serve at mass or come together at a moment's notice for beer and nuts or for the Sunday lunches but we continue to update each other, albeit not as regular as before. Our Tapok Family has grown bigger since 10 years ago - the kids are no longer kids as they have grown older and bigger. We exlaim how much taller the boys have become or how the girls have become ladies, now with their own special guys.

In the past, we'd talk about how to handle teen-agers, kids' health problems, school work and the simpler concerns in life. Nowadays, we share our physical pains as our bodies adapt to our ages and exchange observations of mood changes in our husbands. We're starting to talk about how to support our grown children in their careers and guide them in job hunting. And much later (and we all hope that it would be much, much later!), we would be exchanging tips on how to plan for our chidren's weddings and family life. I feel very blessed to have the Tapok Family. They are my brothers and sisters and children; they have made me appreciate and value my family even more. And I pray that when our children shall have their own families, they, too, will continue this tradition of the Tapok and gather together as a family.

God bless the Tapok!